Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Now if I was gay I wouldn't just put product in my hair or wear more Diesel clothing than a upper middle class mexican kid in high school, I'd do it all the way. This song accurately describes just how gay I'd have to be to be as gay as possible. I watched this song 6 times in a row. One time I wrote 6 blogs in a row. TK is also a fan of stacking them up like bricks.
One might wonder how to become gay? Simply sucking 6 dicks is not the way to do it dudes, you would simply have to call "no homo!" to render any amount of homosexuality null and void. The ancient Greeks and Romans used to call no homo all the time, its not a big deal. The only sure way that I can think of to become one of the gays is to watch this video. After you sit through all 2:20 of this moderately catchy song then you can meet me at the ice cream truck, cuz we will both have successfully caught the gay.
Saturday, December 25, 2010
Step 2: Get at least a 30 rack of beer and gather all of your mates in a circle
Step 3: ???
This game is about as simple as it gets. The idea is to circle the wagons like the Duke woulda done, and then waterfall and stop when "Thunder" or "Thunderstruck" is said in the song. Everyone cracks open a beer, and you press play. The first person starts drinking when "thunder" is heard in the first few seconds, and he/she can't stop until the next time "thunder" or "thunderstruck" is heard (at which point the next person starts drinking). This cycle continues clockwise until the song is over. The best part about this is the wide variety of length in betwixt the thunder strikes. I played this at a party one time and was lucky enough to have to chug like 2.5 beers in between meteorological events. Brutals.
BONUS: Merry Xmas you hideous creatures!
Tuesday, December 21, 2010
Being the brown skinned, black haired fellow that I am, I do not celebrate Christmas. I belong to a faith that celebrates a holiday called Festivus, popularized by the TV show Seinfeld. As you may know, Festivus begins with the airing of grievances, so to air a grievance click here.
For those of you fair-skinned individuals with Judeo-Christian values, we made a drinking game based on the classic Christmas film: "Home Alone", starring Kieran Culkin as Fuller McCallister, and Macaulay Culkin as Kevin McCallister. Because the only way to tolerate Christmas is with ethyl-alcohol inside of your bloodstream. (Also this movie is 20 years old now. Can you believe it? I mean I remember watching it when I was a kid! God I feel old. Let's talk about something else.)
Step 2: Make at least one gallon of eggnog.
Step 3: ???
Drink when the following are said/heard:
-Macaulay Culkin (Kevin) screams (drink twice if he's putting aftershave on his face)
-Joe Pesci's (Harry's) gold tooth sparkles (drink twice if John Heard [Kevin's dad] is holding it when it sparkles)
-Macaulay Culkin breaks the 4th wall
-anytime a tarantula is in frame
-Macaulay Culkin says "I don't think so"
-any reference is made to Kieran Culkin's (Fuller's) bedwetting
-someone is running through an airport
-anytime an American Airlines employee is way more polite and/or good looking than they would be in real life
-"Keep the change, you filthy animal" is said
-Macaulay Culkin talks out loud to show his inner monologue even though he's by himself
-John Candy (Gus) says the word "polka"
-anytime Judeo-Christian values/undertones are apparent
-Joe Pesci talks angry like he's cursing but he isn't actually cursing
-Daniel Stern (Marv) or Joe Pesci get injured by Macaulay Culkin, his booby traps, or an old dude with a shovel
Finish your eggnog:
-Daniel Stern screams his dick off because there's a spider on his face
-Daniel Stern says "shit" even though the movie is PG
TK: The only way to keep the pace going in this one was to have a lot of rules. It's a little slow at the beginning, but once the Wet Bandits are in the house shit gets serious.
Vicki: I think it's good because most people have seen it enough to anticipate the parts where you have to drink. But maybe there should be a beginner and advanced version.
Well that's all for now. I'm not going to lie, I probably won't put a new sketch up until after the new year because I'm very lazy. I'll leave you with this amazing video clip (fun fact: this isn't from an actual movie, but was shot exclusively for Home Alone).
"Golly Nightmare Before Christmas is about as alternative as it gets! Why don't you write a blog about that? Cuz i'm an individual because I bought fingerless gloves from Hot Topic with Sally and Jack on them. Oh golly I'm so different."
Well knock that shit off lady. You're not special pretending to be a diet-goth cuz you like another Tim Burton jackoff festival captured on celluloid. Don't get me wrong though, there's nothing wrong with Nightmare I saw it in theatres when I was a kid and its a pretty gosh darned film. Where were we..? Oh yea Xmas. Did you know Xmas is just as respeckful to Jesus as calling it Christmas cuz X is the letter Chi in greek and that's the first letter of Jesus' name in greased language? Neat.
This week we're going to be focusing our attention on The Star Wars Xmas Special. It was released sometime in 1978 when apparently the budget for walking carpets (I would imagine Leia calling Chewie a walking carpet would be pretty racist in context, like calling a
I know this is only moderately Xmassy. Well its not at all, but we're still talking about
That's all for this week pre-teens and tweens. Tune in next week for what will definitely be the gayest Twofer I've ever posted.
Friday, December 17, 2010
Yes, it is true. At long last after 4 years, 3 different text books, 8 different professors, and Raptor Jesus only knows how many dollars in tuition I've done it. I have passed calculus. With a C. You may recall dear reader, that last time I took it (#9) there was all manner of cash and prizes on the table. This time since just about everyone has lost faith in my ability to pass calculus the only big money cash prizes available are as follows:
- Dan's mommy is going to build me a cake
For more information see screen shot at the top.
- 1 Beer with (fake)Uncle Ronnie.
Uncle Ronnie doesn't drink. At all. So this is a big deal (first time in the history of HotDamnTV that something was actually a big deal). I plan on pearl harboring him with one of those $100.00 5 liter Stone Brewery beers they sell. Fuck yea.
- 1 Keg from Dan Beam
My brother and I used to have a kegerator. We found an epic deal on craigslist and went halves on it. Then he moved out like a legit member of the homosexual community and took the kegerator with him. But he left his refridgerator so I bought a kegerator kit and I've been waiting until I'm done with calculus to rip his fridge apart. Take that fatboy.
My face when I finally passed Calculus:
Bonus: Now I have to take Calculus 2. : 3
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Holy shit. This vidya is incredible. Move over Rihanna (who would've thought you'd get more hits after umbrella? Chris Brown, that's who. El oh el striking women) and/or Feminem there are some new kids in the cul de sac. This video is primarily about a bunch of god damned furries who have been waiting to yiff specifically when Frosty the Snowman may be lurking in the fields (with a battle axe). This video has all of the classiest elements of video editing: overuse of obvious greenscreening, gradients, ~LENSFLARES OUT OF FUCKING NOWHERE~, and more stock/tutorial video editing effects than an intro to After Effects class. Also get a load of that red furry's horseface. Wasn't this broad on Sex In The City? If you don't think they're legit, ask they're heroin dealer/pimp Cowboy Craig (on right) aka the creepiest dude in the kiddy programming game since Captain Kangaroo (just kidding big guy, we love ya).
This is quite possibly the most touching song about shoes since Nelly dropped that club banger "Air Force Ones" ft. About Twenty Other Afro-American Fellas. That was my jam. I'm not sure what the Negro of the Opera is doing in this video (see right), but maybe Spike Jonez is preparing to remake that classic musical into some kind of joint. That's what he does. Have we talked about how great Lil Bow Wow's movie about winning the lottery is? I've got a subscription to Jet Magazine. My next door neighbor is black and my room mate is half black so I'm well qualified to talk about these topics. Where were we again? Oh yea, the shoes. I'll take two purrs of the urr furce ones. The only question I had after watching the video was: what was up with all those fellas standing around in the background behind the singer? If they were the band they had a serious instrument shortage. If they were backup dancers then they must charge by the move, since they did not shake a single tail feather. Full on double X-mas, all the way across the internets.
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
Mr. Show is some really top notch stuff. I'm sure if all of the actors weren't so hideous they'd be getting more roles than Jonah Hill (Did you see what I did there? He's a bit hefty so he's got fat rolls. He's also been in quite a few hit movies recently. Ask your mother about getting roles, they should call that ho a bakery on account of all the rolls she's got.).
I always try to do something with the thought in mind, "Would I find this funny if I was watching it?". Doing a monologue just running around a casting director's office shouting at people would make my day. This would be almost as much fun to do as "The Audition". Its not easy being a failed actor, but at least I dont work at a gas station.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Step 2: Obtain Unforgiven (BLU Ray)
Step 3: ???
Drink when the following are said/heard:
I guess so
A Nickname is used
Claudia or wife is said
The lords name is taken in vain
Drink when the following are seen:
Clint Eastwood falls over/falls down stairs
A gun is fired or cocked
Every time a train goes by(sound counts as well)
Someone removes their hat
Morgan Freeman offers Clint Eastwood a drink
Claudia(wife) is covered in worms
Finish your beer:
Pigfucking is mentioned
Gene Hackman beats the shit out of Dumbledore
A black falls out a window
Grant: Clint Eastwood is the only man bad enough to do a drive-by in a train. After crashing it into your motherfucking place of business.
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
Before I could go to the audition my boss (Laura Hubbard) who is the closest thing I have to an agent at the moment (I'm looking at you E.) insisted that I get the grade from my latest calculus test. She put it all on the line (I need to discipline my body) and said that if I didn't pass then I couldn't go! The following is a transcript of the email correspondences with my professor.
When I got there I hung out for a bit and then was asked to read for several different parts, not just the one I got a call for. I read for and it went pretty well. I showcased my incredible talent (I can raise both eyebrows independently) and I even put my improv skills to the test by using acting to make Jack, of Jack in the Box fame feel bad for eating the last 100% sirloin pepperjack whateverthehell burger. I improved like a groundling, NOT A BIG DEAL people. Then I rounded out the interview by handing the casting directors and anyone else I met a shark. : 3 We'll see how well that goes. Cross some fingers and break some legs guys, HotDamnTV needs more famous.
BONUS: Holy fuck don't move. First thing you gotta fucking do is DO NOT MOVE. Our amigos over at www.toonhole.com have debuted some BRAND NEW SHIT so fresh it'll make your mama's garden full of tomatoes look like its some busted old shit out of a can (ask your mom about the time I tilled her field) make sure to head over to their interbutts and/or observe the shit outa this new short:
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
The Tale of Some Bad Ass Kittencats
Quite often when you find a Street Fight (Raul Julia's greatest dramatic role, fuck you) on youtubs its a few high school kids tusseling around on the ground showing little to no form or grace. This vidya is exactly the opposite, and also possibly a commentary on race relations (Those Skewbald Cats are always so stingy with money, and have you seen them drive? Don't get me started). Bonus: Its all set to pretty epic Predator Music.
Now If I was a Kittencat (ie something that DGAFs harder than Batman) I wouldn't start shit with an Alligator. I'd finish it. That is exactly what this Kittencat (I have it on good authority that his name is Persimmon) does. First he stares the Gator down harder than a Chicano fella driving in his car, next he boops the gator on the nose with such authority you'd think his name was god damned Jonah Hill. This is a pretty serious vidya. Fuck yea, Caturday.
Saturday, November 27, 2010
This is one of Taylor and my favorite disney animooteds ever. So naturally to celebrate its release (as in from captivity not unveiling) from the clutches of that dastardly mouse's vault, what better way to celebrate than use celebrate three times in a sentence and MAKE A DRINKING GAME! Ever since this movie came out, I have screamed "Where have you taken us Phillipe?" when lost. Nobody seems to get that, so I guess thats a bad story. On a serious note, this is a breathtaking blu ray transfer and its almost so pretty it hurts.
Step 1: Get a hold of Disney's animated "Beauty and the Beast" featuring some fine bestiality action and the greastest song of any disney movie ever.
STEP 2: ???
Drink when the following are said/heard*:
A musical number starts
Drink after every verse in "Gaston"
Every time creepy asylum man chuckles nefariously
Drink when the following are seen:
Lumier disobeys the rules
Phillipe Looks Displeased
Something is destroyed (sound as well)
Gaston strikes Lafou
Finish your beer:
Beast eats porridge
Gaston plans a marriage
A gargoyle loses its head
*NOTE: Song lyrics count as well.
Sean:NOOOooooooo... OOOoooooone....... FIGHTS like Sean, no one bites like Sean, in a drinking match nobody DRINKS LIKE SEAN! I guess I like the original better.
A moderate level drinking game, a great movie. Achievement unlocked: 2 Disney drinking games. Taylor: If you don't know the words to every song in this movie: a) you're clearly a Nazi, and b)this drinking game will not help at all. Grant: If everything that is alive in the movie used to be a servant or something at the castle... Who were all those fucking forks from the "Be Our Guest" musical number and what kind of sins did they commit to be condemned to a hell of being a fork for 20 years..
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The lovestruck youtube user who toasted this had the following to share:
Don Draper uses the word "what" as Van Gogh used color or Beethoven used sound. Here's the man using the word in all of its glorious inflections from the first four seasons.This guy's pages consist of 90% erotic fanfiction about Mad Men. I'm sensing this may be one of TK's accounts. (he's a legithomo). The only thing I have to say about Mad Men is that the juggy redhead was also in a few episodes of Firefly and is fine as hell. Like serious snoo snoo going on there. Steve (of ex-room mate fame) also has a thing for this broad, but I totally called dibs.
I first saw this on Something Is Awful.com, a small up and coming humor website that has something called a Massage Board that the kids seem to like so much. Maybe some day they'll get somewhere and make some of the internets we have on here. Although not quite as streamlined as many lulz compilations it still gets the point across. I have never seen a single episode of this show. As I understand it its a show about inbred red neck vampires that don't sparkle but still love to fuck each other (and by each other i mean dudesex). God am I sick of this vampire fad. Remember when Anne Rice used to write about vampires and they were more bad ass than William Zabka (aka the bad ass villain from every movie from the 1980s) wearing a leather jacket and smoking a joint while drinking beers before going into the school dance and beating the shit out of anyone dressed up like a shower? That was really neat.
Friday, November 19, 2010
STEP 1: Get a hold of Disneys animated "Robin Hood" starring lots of furrys.
STEP 2: ???
RULES:Drink when the following are said/heard:
Robin Hood (twice)
Aheeh! Mommy or Momma (said by Prince John)
Whistling (by narrator or other characters)
Drink when the following are seen:
Robin Hood's terrible disguise fools someone
Hiss HYPNOTIZES a motha-fucka
An Arrow is fired
Sir Hiss appears (he a sly pimp)
Little John seems remarkably fat
Security is strangely lax (ie the Arrow-shooting contest, the jail, and the castle)
Hiss's tongue goes in someone's ear
A thumb is sucked (Prince John--obvi)
Finish your beer:
PJ Says "Forgive me a Cruel Chuckle"
PJ says "PJ! I Like that! Do you know I do? Hiss--put it on my luggage!"
Little John says "What a beautiful brawl!"
PJ Says "I've got a dirty thumb"
King Richard says "You'll have an outlaw for an in-law"
Sean:I blacked out. I believe this one is a roaring success. Mostly because of the arrows rule. We should probably stipulate the Conan precedent that you should use your discretion to make the arrows manageable, perhaps opt to drink WHILE arrows are being fired. I definitely drank for Each arrow. A true film classic and a true drinking game classic.
Taylor: You know I think the arrow thing is dumb and for new fags only. Its too much. Maybe you should drink every 5 arrows or so or when they hit a target.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
HotDamnTV: How did you first come up with the idea to draw horrible logos for beer money?
HorriblLogosDude: I started with me getting pissed off about all of the cheap logo sites popping up everywhere offering crap logos for a super low price. It shows that a lot of people don't really care about the final product; it's more about getting a good deal. Well I'll give you the best deal on the internet and it's guaranteed to suck.
Followup Question: What sort of credentials (apart from 65 pages of
awesomely bad logos) would you display to a non believer, unsure about
whether or not he's actually going to get a horrible logo?
My horrible work speaks for itself. It really depends on what kind of mood I'm in and how rushed I am as to how much your logo will suck, but it will definitely be a shitshow.
We noticed that you were on Thrill List, has that affected your
Followup Question:What was the process like for getting invited to be
on Thrill List?
What is your favorite bad logo you've created to date?
Followup Question: How about the worst?
They are all the worst.
Have you been approached by anyone more famous than us to create logos?
Let's see.....I did a logo for Maggie the Movie Star Dog. Look it up, she's hot shit. I think she was a guest star on Top Chef.
How bad of a logo would we get if we paid you 34 cents and 1 box of
Franzia Sangria and 1/2 a bottle of Popov Vodka?
Ha Haa. I don't know. Let's give it a go.
If it wouldn't be terribly gauche, would you mind telling us just how
much you've been able to drink with the help of kind souls across the
My beer stash is rapidly growing...and hopefully I can continue to make shit logos to keep it healthy.
We're so proud of this fella, and he's from Orange County so naturally we respect the shit outta him (Dan TK and almost me being alumni from CSUF). So if you guys want a crappy logo drawn by a pretty fresh guy try to stumble into his website.
BONUS: I was testing out my brand new underwater camera last night, observe the results in stunning FULL RES! (Shoots in 720penis)
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Video related, my favorite artist ever. I'm in love with her. We're also going to need a Bento Box. It can be pinku (thats japanese for pink) or any girl color. It has to be of 2 or more kotoba (that's Japanese for 2 compartments) and has be be chibi (small) sized. And has to be really kawaii (cute). Also It has to be about 10-20 bux. Before I buy it I want to make shure it's kawaii [cute]. And it would be nice if it came with matching chopstick holder (WITH chopsticks). OH! and it CANNOT have any cartoon pictures, or be made out of plastic. It has to be made of ceramic, or something like that. Also it would be nice if it was made in Japan. and not in China or Corea (Korea) or whatever. I have found a bento box similar to the one im describing in E-bay, but it was 1 kotoba, and i dont want my gohan (rice) to touch my other things (it can get wet and i would not like that, plus 2 compartments looks more kawaii)
Can it be that you guys just don't understand the power of true art? This is from one of my all time favorite movie, Suicide Circle. You might know it under the bastardized translated title for your feeble Western minds, Suicide Club. This movie contains not only the greatest soundtrack since Yul Brynner played King Mongkut of Siam in The King and I (1956) but in the original trailer YOU SEE A BITCH FAX HERSELF TO DEATH. Yeah, you read that right, unfortunately I don't recall seeing it in the film. Screw this, we're moving to Japan. The land where 90% of schoolgirls under the age of 14 either own a giant robot or have been molested by one. The land where the toilets are smarter than you. Nagasaki (too soon) and Hiroshima (too soon).
Friday, November 12, 2010
Step 1: Obtain a copy of the Blu Ray of Scott Pilgrim vs The World starring Michael Sarah as the awkward teenaged fella that gets the girl.
Drink when the following are said/heard:
Thursday, November 11, 2010
A few questions remained unanswered though. Who would give me this birthday sex? Like the robot once said,
"It takes two to play a game of Global Thermonuclear War,"
and smooshing requires a similar number of participants (1-5 depending on which state you're in). I ventured out in search of a likely female of breeding age and inclination in search of certain things. The results were decidedly negative, but I never do anything if I don't think at least someone will find it funny.
|So I figured I'd check with Emily, my first agent/entertainment lawyer and in house counselor ever. She's a very good sport.|
|Undaunted I pushed onward, casting my line and hoping for a little nibble. Acting on E's sage advice, I boldly tried again.|
|Things progressed swimmingly from that point on, I turned back to the facemash to try my luck.|
|A very good friend of mine is a brightly colored crayon named Christine, but she was a bit too far away to sign up for any kind of coitus.|
|Some people did not react at all.|
|Stacey, who was perhaps the most interested of all, was easily distracted.|
|The best way to keep your website online is to ask your webmaster's girlfriend if she wants to breed.|
|The first girl to ever have sex with me didnt seem to be interested in giving it another try. She is no longer impressed with me or my mustache.|
|Pei Pei was easily the runner up in terms of being interested.|
|The prettiest girl in Tennessee unfortunately seems to have developed a case of very bad taste, but if she was here I'm sure she'd be interested.|
But actually I had a really awesome birthday. I kissed a pretty girl on the mouth several times, had duck tacos, made friends with a squirrel, drank 3 liters of Stone beer, and had delicious foods and beers from Haven Gastropub. Felt great. Also my twin brother turned 26 too, but he is a dickshit so this blog is all about me.
Monday, November 8, 2010
This first gem comes from the darkest heart of Korea where children are taught to perform maximum APM on Starcraft at a PC Bang at a very early age. The other thing they are taught is how to have the voice of an honest to goodness angel. A Siren, plying at your heart strings like it was a lute made out of solid pewter with a few minor imperfections and rust spots. My favorite part about this video is that the top result for "Korean Boy Touch My Body" (I'm so glad that is going to appear in my recent search list) is some dickshit from America (username: mornder) that has gotten almost 6 million views. He stole it from some other dipshit who has gotten 1.5 million views (username: kenyfany) but at least this guy linked back to the original kid's channel and hasn't covered it in a bunch of racist subtitles. When you finally get to the kid's actual channel (username: rlaehddnjs) he's got like 170,000 views. Sad face. 'Fugee face. But fuck that kid since he disabled embedding on his vidyas. Korea hujub doggy face.
This sounds like its probably Korean. I use the phrase "certain things" an awful lot. When I'm making up new song lyrics on the spot its definitely my go-to guy. Upon further research I've found out that this guy is Saint Lucian, meaning he comes from the Caribbean island of Saint Lucia. So picture the arc of islands that starts with Puerto Rico and the US Virgin Islands (not after I got done with them) and then curves gently down to Trinidad and Tobago, Saint Lucia is right in the middle of that stuff. Thanks for reading chums. Don't forget to check out our vidyas (new shit coming soon!) and subscribe to our youtubs channel.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
One of the most memorable gigs I ever had was as a digital playground monitor. I signed an NDA, so I can't really tell you exactly who I worked for, or which video game I was a Game Master for but it is/was a fairly successful game from a VERY prominent company. I worked the graveyard shift with a bunch of other fellas doing science into the wee hours of the night.
My role in this company was a part of a crack team of customer service specialists who assisted players with matters that arose while playing in The World. Our duties included the following:
- Assisting players that had become stuck in the geometry.
- Investigating use of third party tools / cheating
In the criminal justice system, the people are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the police who investigate crime and the district attorneys who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.Only it was a bit more like:
In the digital justice system, the players are represented by two separate yet equally important groups: the GMs who investigate crime and the Senior GMs who prosecute the offenders. These are their stories.So we would spend a lot of time investigating and banning hackers (always Chinese people, we'll get to that later.) and trying to maintain balance and order in a lawless digital realm. Now by hackers I don't actually mean any legit programmers, those are few and far between. Usually you'd find someone who has a program that someone else made that allows them to exploit the rules inside The World. I would find clumps of people performing automated activities (usually fishing) off somewhere in the depths of the ocean. You're not supposed to be able to walk miles off into the sea, or teleport from spot to spot mining minerals. Enough exposition, you get the idea.
Here are some transcripts from memory.
GM CALL: HE WONT STOP FOLLOWING ME GM! HELP!!1!onePLAYER: HowDoIZone
GM: Hail, adventurer! I am GM
HowDoIZone: Hi GM! I'm having an awful night. :(
GM: I am very sorry to hear that, what can I do to assist you tonight?
HowDoIZone: Well GM, AwesomePlayer won't stop following me! Every zone I'm in, HE'S RIGHT THERE! He won't stop following me and it is very bad. Sometimes he says things.
GM: I see. I can understand how frustrating this can be. If you do not wish to interact with this player you may choose to make use of the Black list command you can use this by typing
HowDoIZone: But GM I don't want to use the black list in case he says something about me!
GM: I see. Well then unfortunately there is nothing more I can do to assist you. An adventurer may do whatever he wishes to do in which ever area he chooses to do it, provided he does not violate any of the Terms of Service.
HowDoIZone: But GM! Can't you just ask him to stop, or move him somewhere else?
GM: Unfortunately I am not permitted to interfere in this manner, but I suppose you could try leaving the area you are currently in. Perhaps try teleporting to another area, or choose to exit from a different route so that he can't follow you by sight.
HowDoIZone: Whatever! You GMs don't care about adventurers. You're in league with the
GM: I hope I was able to help you resolve your problem , Is there anything else I can help you with today Adventurer?
HowDoIZone: Can I have $1,000,000?
GM: No. Thank you for the call, and good luck in your adventures.
This guy was a real winner. In almost every zone or area of the game there are multiple entrances and exits. In fact the area he was in was directly adjacent to a private area that ONLY the player could enter, and upon exiting the player could decide which area to move to. I simply could not understand what was going on with this player, and chalked it up to some kind of grudge. I suppose you would have had to play this game to understand how ludicrous it was for someone to wait 45 minutes to talk to a GM about such a trivial matter that the player could have easily resolved.
GM CALL: YOU ALL ARE SO UNPROFESSIONAL WHY WONT TECH SUPPORT ANSWER!
GM: Hail, adventurer! I am GM
HerpDerp: HI GM! This is fucking unacceptable. What are you guys doing over there?! I have been calling for 2 hours.
GM: I see. I am very sorry for any frustration this may have caused you. I see you just placed your GM call 10 minutes ago, how may I assist you tonight?
HerpDerp: I have been trying to get a hold of your service center for like 6 hours! It says right on the website the hours are from 8am - 3pm.
HerpDerp: Why won't you guys answer!
GM: I apologize for the inconvenience sir, but since it is currently 2AM PST the service center is currently closed. You may find the hours of operation on our website.
HerpDerp: But its only 10AM! You should be open, I'm not stupid GM I know what time it is.
GM: Sir, our offices are located on the West Coast of North America, and in this timezone it is currently 2AM.
HerpDerp: Timezone? I don't know what you're talking about. I'm in Iran and it is fucking 10 AM! I need to talk to your call center about my bill immediately!
GM: I'm very sorry for any inconvenience sir, but you will have to contact that department during normal business hours. We are unable to assist you with anything other than in game matters.
HerpDerp: ...You fuck you GM.
GM: Thank you very much for the call. Is there anything else I can assist you with tonight?
HerpDerp: FUCK U!!!!!!
I feel like giving a brief explanation of how time zones worked may have been helpful, but seriously. On the company website right by the contact information it clearly stated what time zone we were in next to our hours of operation. We laughed about this for days.
Thanks for reading kids, there should be some lulz back up there somewhere. I've got loads and loads of stories like this. Also be sure to check out the vidyas and subscribe to our youtube chammel so that google thinks we're as cool as this fag.
Wednesday, November 3, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
You may have noted that Madelyn(SFW) was the curvacious Catwoman(SFW). Our interview features her first public appearance in the actual costume. I haven't bought or seen any legit adult films in quite a while so I really didn't know what I was getting into when I popped in Disc 1/2 of this massive porn epic. I have to say it is pretty rad, I don't want to spoil it but it packs a lot of talent into a small space, if you know what I mean. HotDamnTV highly recommends you pick up this DVD.
BONUS: Bluebird Films is giving away an iPad loaded full of their hottest films(NSFW unless you've got a pretty cool boss). So click and after the jump you can enjoy either the trailer for Bat Fxxx or Bonnie & Clyde and then enter to win! (you may already be a wiener)
This second offering is actually the basis for a film we're going to be making here at HotDamnTV, only TK will be playing the role of all of the zombies and Rip Rockwell, and The French Girl will be playing the role of Suzie Cheesecake. I've been looking for an excuse to use this in a blog toast for a long time, just so happens we're talking about porn and 'tis the season for Zombies. Similar to a lot of our stuff, I can't believe this hasn't gone more viral than Ebola. That's all for this Tuesday kids! If we don't see ya before then, have a Happy Halloween. Drive fast and take chances.