Monday, January 31, 2011
Take 2008's runaway hit "The Rocker" (aka "The rocker - Il batterista nudo" - Italy) starring Dwight Schrute. On the surface its a story about The Jonas brothers only with some jail bait, a fat dude, and some weirdo creeper thrown in for the lulz. But look a bit closer. The T-Shirt this fat boy is wearing is the cover of 1/2 of Insane Clown Posse's double album release for Halloween of 2000 release entitled Bizzar. A very fresh album that spawned a music video that even saw a little bit of MTV air time (at 3 in the morning). Although only visible on screen for a few seconds ninjas that have sharp beady eyes (me) noticed it.
In the year 2009 ICP enjoyed some very serious internets when their video Miracles went more viral than Meningitis, which by the way is up to 5.8 million observations. Holy shit. We already spoke about that though. Miracles isn't the only place to observe some serious juggalo shit though, does anyone remember a little film called "Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li"? No, its not the fresh as shit movie starring JCVD and Raul Julia, this one is an abysmal lurching abomination starring the very f-wordable Kristen Kreuk. I can probably write about 300 words about the dreadful things I'd do to her.
The film meanders about trying its damndest to do that whole "character development" whatsit and make you give a half a damn about a white girl Chun Li (very similar to how the white man butchered the Dragonball mythos into some awful pile of shit with a white guy) until eventually Chun Li becomes a wicked hot hobo. She slums it around in Bangkok (lol) for a while and manages to avoid all rapes and obtain free egrolls from hideous Thai broads. One scene has her waking up after sleeping on a bridge or some shit and she walks by a guy wearing THIS SHIRT.
I had to hit paws (mew mew) on the video and observe it again. Holy shit sir, I own that shirt. Not only is it an Insane Clown Posse shirt, but its a tour shirt from one of the best tours they've ever done. Imagine if you will Twiztid, Blaze Ya Dead Homie, Anybody Killa, Dark Lotus, and Insane Clown Posse all playing on the same bill. If none of those names mean anything to you, then fuck you, but its on the same level of like Justin Bieber, The Jonas Brothers, Miley Cyrus and Ke$ha (pronounced Kay-Ee-Dollar Sign-Hah) all playing the same show.
Fucking neat. Just goes to show that there are juggalos all around you, not in the Fight Club they cook your food and keep you safe kinda way, but its neat just the same. Shit, even Kane Hodder the guy who plays the unstoppable Jason Voorhees from Friday the 13th is a juggalo. So is Vanilla Ice. So is your mom. Keep an eye open for those hatchetman chains fellas, cuz they're all around you.
Ask Marit why I love this song.
Friday, January 28, 2011
From "Dark Knight" to "Dark Tower?" Fresh off his Golden Globe win for the "The Fighter," sources say Christian Bale has pulled ahead of Javier Bardem and Viggo Mortensen as Ron Howard and
Stephen King's choice for "Tower" main character, gunslinger Roland Deschain. We previously reported that Howard's adaptation of King's books has set off a casting frenzy, w
ith agents battling to land their clients roles in what promises to be a blockbuster franchise. A source said "Dexter" star Jennifer Carpenter is rising on the short list for the role of Susannah, as is French/Moroccan Ghita Tazi. - New York Post
Thursday, January 27, 2011
Also, your face when they disabled the color change option in the embed codes from youtubs :(. But on a serious note this guy's dance skills are something wonderful to behold. Its like being bathed in the suns golden rays. Like getting pearl harbored by a bushel of cuddly puppies. It just feels good.
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
So naturally I replied and gave them my all.
Friday, January 21, 2011
In which we discuss certain things that seem like a big deal, but in fact are not.
A tale of HotDamn players and their interactions with famous folks
I've written several blogs about my continued success at failing, specifically at acting towards a camera and getting paid for it. I landed a gig a few months ago working on a shoot for 3OH!3's hot new jambox "Touchin' On My". Please note that this was not for pay, but it was one of the first actual acting gigs I've landed in years (hos don't know all about my 500+ audition fails). I wasn't sure what they were going to use me for and neither was the crew I hung out with (PRO TIP: you can always tell if a person is a part of the crew by their black v-neck really tight American Apparel t-shirt).
(I'm in the thumbnail for the video)I took the day off work and battled traffic like an hero to get to Los Angeles, and then hung out at a park watching the crew shoot there for like 5 hours. There was lots of down time for the artists (Sean and Nat of 3OH!3) and I was the only grown up there so we spoke a bit. Nat is a giant mother fucker, something like 6'7'' and I talked with Sean about being a me being a juggalo. I was pretty impressed when he told me they listened to The Great Milenko like the entire ride over. Finally it came time to use me in a shot and we did like 6 takes of me beating up 10 year olds.
Fast forward to today and I happen to check the 3OH!3 website and there is the video I'm in. Its not a big deal because EVERYONE in the video except for Nat and Sean have their faces mosaic'd out. For maximum Grant start watching at about 1:30. So I'm famous but I acted so hard they had to blur out my face for fear of having to pay the Screen Actors Guild. On account of the acting.
BONUS: You may be excited to know that Nat was a cool enough guy to do a quick review of our internets!
Tuesday, January 18, 2011
C'est en faisant n'importe quoi qu'on devient n'importe qui -Rémi Gaillard
(That means "It's by doing whatever that you become whoever".) So what do we know about France? Well we know that very pretty girls come from there. I feel like they're more or less responsible for Nutella and that shit is tasty. Also have you ever had Orangina? Its soda with mother fucking orange pulp in it. Its quite dank. One other thing that comes from Franchland is motherfucking Rémi Gaillard, the baddest dude to ever smoke cigarettes and wear berets (arguably the gayest hat ever created) and baguettes and shit.
I first heard about this Eiffel Tower looking motherfucker a few years ago when he did this. This baguette drove around Paris (are there any other cities in France? Probably not.) with a radical gas powered gokart doing Mariokart style shenanagins. I'm very proud of him. An awful lot of his schtick seems to be fucking with and then running from the cops. SO cash.
Apparently the Mariokart thing isn't the only thing he's done though, he managed to fake his way onto the field during a WORLD CUP championship and pass himself off as a member of the team and shake the french President's hand, go swimming in aquariums at the french version of Sea World (Le Sea World I think it's called) and so many other shenanigans. Great troll or Greatest troll? Special thanks to Chris Allison for sending this one in.
Saturday, January 15, 2011
Drink Whenever the following is said or heard:
Prince of Persia (finish your beer)
Sean: Ugh... it feels dirty like an Uwe Bowell movie but... I have a delightful buzz. I can see they spent money on this but... man I just don't...
-Sean (Ghostwritten by Grant)
BONUS: Music from the sound track!
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
In Japan they have girls with breasts on the front of their bodies. But some girls seem concerned that their bust is not quite up to snuff. Enter Japanese Super Science with.. something? I'm not sure if this thing just wobbles the titties or electrocutes them or what but I think I approve. Now as far as the outlandish claims that tiny breasted japanese girls go from a size 14 year old boy to buxom beauty quicker than a furry getting raped by a few tentacles, I can't really comment. But it all seems eerily legit.
People have been making movies for something like 4,000 years. The earliest known movie is called "Birth of a Nation" and was shot in 4500 BC on film made from fern leaves and sticks and shit. Fast forward to the misty shores of Japan's fijords and you can see just how far we've come. I can't imagine how many millions of Yen the camera they shot this on cost but again I come to the startling conclusion: SEEMS LEGIT.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Step 2: ???
Drink Whenever the following is seen:
-Ghostwritten by Grant
BONUS: And now for something completely different:
Tuesday, January 4, 2011
This gem comes from our good pal Aaron (of international roulette and really epic beard fame). When Aaron is not being paid to drink expired liquor at bevmo he's hanging out with us and telling us to look at funny internets videos, like this one. I tried to find the song that this choreography is from but all that comes up is an Afrika Bambaataa song. This is solid gold though, I can only imagine that Darrin's Dance Grooves is almost as funny.
I'm pretty sure TK posted this on his facemash a few days ago. This video is so amazing I don't know where to begin. The lady is so fucking conceited it makes me look like Mel Gibson from the 1993 jaunt "The Man Without A Face" (where Mel bravely obscures his matinee-idol looks to really stretch his acting and directing muscles, located somewhere underneath the trapezius muscles). She makes me want to hit her hand with a tack hammer and then punch her in the face. I dare you to watch this movie for more than 10 seconds without coming to the realization that she is the worst human on the face of the planet. NIGHTMARE MODE: The whole thing. Hands are funny.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Harry Potter META DRINKING GAME
(Blu Ray Only)
To usher in the new year HotDamnTV has pulled out all the stops to bring your our most ambitious drinking game yet. Dozens of Bothan spies died to bring you this drinking game. Happy New Years you lot.
If you choose a Teacher (Dumbledore is off limits because he's leet) you drink at a difficulty multiplier of 3x for all counts (Hagrid and all other Hogwarts staff that are alive are considered teachers).
A secondary STUDENT character you drink at a 4x difficulty multiplier.
If for some fucking reason you pick a non-Hogwarts-staff Ministry Employee, Order of the Phoenix Member, or Death Eater (Voldemort is also off limits) you drink at a 5x multiplier level. Should you find any other character loopholes, go ahead and drink at a 10x multiplier cool guy. And people dead during the current movie don't count!
Remember that while playing you not only drink for all global drinks, but for specific character induced drinks as well.